Follow Up Visit

Punchy (don't judge)

Hurray!  I actually slept for more than a two-hour stretch last night.  I don’t know if I’m getting used to sleeping upright or if I’m just so exhausted that I collapse, but I slept nonetheless.  I make sure have a tower of pillows on my right side so my port is protected from whoever or whatever might accidentally bump against it.  Then I balance myself on my left hip and fold Punchy (the stuffed elephant that I’ve slept with since I was four years old – hint:  this will absolutely be on the extra credit test at the end of the year, so write this down, students!) in half and use him as a pillow.  It doesn’t sound comfortable mostly because it isn’t.  But it’s all I have until the drain is out.  It’s either this or not sleeping at all, so I choose option one.

This morning (Thursday), I had my first follow up appointment with Dr. Sleeper.  It was the first time I was out of the house since my surgery.  Please note that I have not been out of pajamas and have no showered since Monday (read:  stinky and disgusting).  I woke up and tried my best to freshen up and give myself a sponge bath.  My Gram (you remember Gram; I’ve spoken fondly of her:  short,

"Whore's baths for everyone!"

little Italian lady with the mouth of a truck driver) calls it a “whore’s bath.”  Then Darryl helped me get dressed.  Trying to put on clothes (especially underwear) when you have tubes going into your hip and waist is difficult at best.  I put on my baggiest dress (not hard to find since the majority of my dresses were baggy even before I lost weight) and one of Darryl’s long-sleeved shirts.  I couldn’t put on leggings (a Nix staple) because of the tubes, so I was prepared to be cold.  I had to keep on oh-so-sexy compression socks and put on some of my socks over it.  Yeah, sign me up for Project Runway, because I’ve come up with the next hot trend in legwear.  Hey, it’s no worse than Uggs, right?

Compression socks with socks = sexy

Darryl drove me to Dr. Sleeper’s.  My belly incisions really don’t hurt, but the port site where the drainage tube is hurts like a B*$#@, let me tell you.  Anyone who has driven or been a passenger on the roads in Utica know that they are so bumpy, it is like driving on the surface of the moon, so every single bump made my port site send pains shoot throughout my body.  It was hell.  Luckily, Dr. Sleeper’s is only 15 minutes away.

Once we got there, Dr. Sleeper and one of the Keiths (my favorite Keith, by the way) took off all my bloody bandages and removed my pain pump.  It was scared that removing the pain tubes would really hurt, but honestly, I didn’t even feel it.  What I did feel was when they unceremoniously ripped off the tape that was holding the tubes to my upper thigh.  I am the least-hairy Italian in the world, but any hair that was there is now removed.  OUCH!

The rule is, I can’t have the drain removed until it’s only draining 30 ccs (I thought it was 50; (I was wrong) in 24 hours.  Please, I’m not even close.  I’m throwing 50 ccs every few hours.  It is gross. I can actually look at the port site now though, which I guess is a step in the right direction.  I still make Darryl clean it and put antibiotic ointment on it though.  I’m not that comfortable with it yet.

Keith and Dr. Sleeper cleaned up the port and put a waterproof dressing on so now I can shower.  I think instead, I might dye my hair.  I’m not ready to stand for 15-20 minutes in a row.  I still get dizzy and weak.  They say it’s best to dye your hair when it’s dirty and, believe me, it’s really dirty right now.  I will wash my hair in the sink until I feel better.

Eyeliner is back!

Until then, it’s whore’s baths for me!