I don’t
exactly remember whether I read it somewhere for a graduate course or heard it
on NPR (really, isn’t it the same thing?), but many years ago, I learned that
personality is cemented between the ages of 18 and 24. That doesn’t mean that people don’t have
personalities before then – of course they do – it just means that during these
years, your personality fully develops.
This is the reason students go away to college and appear to come back as
completely different people. In some ways, they are. I know that many of my ideals and life
choices weren’t initiated until I went to college in Maine, ones that I still
embody more than 20 years later…
Because of
this 18-24 rule, there are certain things I firmly believe people should not do until
they are 24 years old.
1. Don’t
get married. I’m not saying not to date, not to have serious relationships, or
not to fall in love. I’m not even saying
not to get engaged. Just don’t get married.
While your personality is forming, you don’t want to make decisions
based on the person you were. If it was meant to be, wait a few years. Yes, you could get a divorce if you find out
that s/he wasn’t the one for you, but divorces are messy and who wants to be 26
and divorced?
2.
Don’t
have a baby. This is
self-explanatory. Children are lifelong
commitments. At 18, 19, even at 23, you
haven’t figured out who you are, let
alone how you want to raise another human being. Figure out that first and then you can
multiply like the Duggars.
3. Don’t
get a tattoo. Students will often
protest about this one the loudest.
Tattoos, like babies, are forever.
What you are passionate about at 18, when your personality is just
forming, will more likely than not, not be what you are passionate about at 28,
let alone 58. Tattoo removal is
expensive, painful, and oh yeah, it doesn’t really work.
I know that
there are students out there that will argue with me about how mature they are,
about how they had to grow up early, and therefore this 18-24 rule doesn’t
apply to them. I disagree. I started
babysitting at 9, was responsible for fulltime childcare of my brother at 11,
had to work and buy my own clothes at 14, was kicked out of the house at 16…
believe me, I get it. I still adamantly
argue the 18-24 rule. Having a rough
life doesn’t make your brain develop any faster, folks.
I understand the need to want to grow up, but
here’s a gentle reminder: enjoy your
teens and your 20s. You will have many
more grown up years than you will years when you are young. Don’t make decisions when your personality is
still forming that you cannot fix with an apology. Right now, focus on deciding exactly who you
want to be. Right now, enjoy the process
of becoming you.
